5 f**ked-up narratives on female pleasure

Written by Faith Limantono

August 24th, 2021

Every week at Oh My, while wrapped in an oodie, dressing gown or any other equivalent piece of fluffy fabric, we chat about random shit we’ve learnt from the week. This means that every week, we find ourselves challenging yet another stigma or norm society has ingrained in us about our sexuality.

One of our values is ‘fuck the stigma’ so that womxn are better placed to explore their bodies and their sexualities for the orgasms they deserve.

But these weekly chats have made us realise that instead of ‘stigma’ singular, it's really ‘stigmas’ plural that we have to fight on a daily basis. So in the true spirit of flipping off the patriarchy, we have summarised five fucked-up narratives society pushes on us about female pleasure


Cumming through penetration alone

Countless sex scenes and porn videos have depicted the moaning womxn after less than 5 minutes of penetration - what is this sorcery!!! Data shows that 75% of womxn cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Although this narrative is changing thanks to shows like Sex Education, many of our first sexual explorations with men (because statistics show that queer sexual interactions tend to be different and more mutually pleasurable) remain anti-climatic.

When you faked all the orgasms and he starts tagging you in memes about killing that pussy

The fact is, most womxn need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This can include oral, the use of a vibrator or simply rubbing with fingers.


Only sluts like sex

Ah slut shaming, the thing that makes us feel shame about sex and masturbating. Expectations for womxn to be modest, demure and passive has led to social ignorance about female sexuality. Womxn who like sex and masturbating are viewed as ‘slutty’ and as a result, womxn are wrapped in guilt about exploring our vulvas and having orgasms. To tell this narrative to fuck off, we recommend you go charge your vibrator now.


Only guys masturbate

What an utter lie! It’s only recently that we’ve been seeing more about female masturbation in pop culture which is slowly normalising that fact that womxn also like to orgasm - surprise, surprise! This myth arises from a general social acceptance of male sexuality - science is well versed with the male orgasm as opposed to how much we still don’t know about the female one. We characterise men as sex fiends and as a result, conversations and representations about female masturbation and orgasms are tucked away like a dirty secret. Yeah fuck that, we deserve orgasms!


Vibrators are a threat to male sexuality ARGHHHH

As you’re probably aware, we fucking love vibrators and yet, we’re always hearing about partners being intimidated by using them during sex. Toxic masculinity means that vibrators are often viewed as threats to male sexual performance. Bustle's Sex TBH survey found that 18.66% of millenieal women were hesitant to bring a sex toy into the bedroom due to fear of affecting their partner’s ego. In fact, incorporating sex toys in the bedroom with your partner is actually likely to improve your relationship and sex life through fostering more open communication and enhancing mutual pleasure. If you’d like to introduce a vibrator with your partner, we recommend by starting to have an open conversation with your partner and introducing a bullet vibrator which might be less intimidating for the both of you.

he asks if you have any sex toys.

There is only one kind of sex

Repeat after me: penetrative sex is not the only kind of sex! The myth of penetrative sex as the only ‘legitimate’ type of sex dismisses the sexual experiences of our fellow queer friends and also the main way that womxn can reach an orgasm. Confining the definition of sex to just penetrative excludes all the different kinds of wonderful ways you and your partner can be pleasured. Expanding the definition of sex means we can celebrate the sex that everyone from different sexualities enjoy.

Ahhhh so many stigmas to fuck off - I’m a particular fan of imagining each stigma as buildings being demolished by Miley Cyrus on her wrecking ball. I suggest you envisage this every morning just after waking up, it’s quite empowering.


Written by
Faith Limantono

Faith is a badass feminist who is passionate about womxns issues + breaking down social norms. When she isn't writing the best damn blogs at Oh My you can find her cooking up a storm, geeking out with her partner or finishing off her law degree (i know right...)

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